Episode 13- Girl's Club

Captain's Log- 3:11 AM- Friday

A frightening thought occurred to me the other night. The estrogen count in this house is now, considerably larger than the testosterone level.  Not that there's anything wrong with that... It's just that I was always under the silly assumption that Treicy was destined to be surrounded by men her entire life.  She was raised in a very male-driven world full of machines, tools and machismo which is why she knows how to ride motorcycles and install ceiling fans.  I, on the other hand, was raised in a family full of angry old women.  My world was comprised of bitter old maids and lonely spinsters.  Which is why I know how to play Mahjong and make a fabulous jalapeño bean dip.
I don't know why I assumed that we would have all boys.  Maybe because I assumed it when we were waiting for Esteban and it happened... maybe it's because I never pictured Treicy with girls.  She is so good with Esteban because she's a bit of  a tomboy and doesn't mind getting her hands dirty from time to time.  I've seen her digging sand castles, making mud pies, engaging in water gun fights and even some pretty vicious, no holds barred, pillow fights.  She's the perfect mommy for a family full of little boys... but with 2 girls?  I never imagined it.  Seeing her now with the girls, it all makes perfect sense.  She loves to dress them in ribbons and bows (as you can see from the photo above) and she spends hours combing out their hair and applying oils and conditioners to their little tiny curls.  She dotes on them continuously and I can see it continuing for the rest of their lives.  She's an amazing cook and has always included Esteban in any and all pastry adventures that usually include Chocolate, Nutella or Dulce de Leche.  I can only imagine what the baking future holds for this family once the girls are able to hold a wooden spoon.  I guess the person that I really never imagined with little girls is me.
I'm not a natural at this parenting thing... and when you add that extra voodoo magic that a little girl brings into your life... it just kicks my tired, old ass even more (never marry a younger woman... they outlive you by having way too much energy for you and then they remarry a younger, better version of you and piss you off forever in the afterlife).  As the girls continue to grow and develop their personalities I am starting to see how badly this is going to go for me.  I have no clue what makes a little girl happy or mad.  Am I supposed to rough-house with them when they're toddlers like I used to with Esteban?  Am I supposed to learn how to comb and style their hair and apply all of their lotions?  Really?  And what happens when they have to go to the bathroom when we're out in public?  Do I take them into the Men's room?  I'm not legally allowed in the Ladies bathroom am I?  There must be some sort of handbook or something that I can review because if left to my own devices, I will end up making a mistake.  I can see the headlines already:  LOCAL MAN ARRESTED IN WOMEN'S BATHROOM AT CHUCK E CHEESE WHILE ATTEMPTING TO APPLY HYDRATING ALOE-BASED SKIN LOTION TO TWO SCREAMING BABIES.
That settles it... I'm not leaving the house alone with these two until they're, at least, 17.

Captain's Log- 3:56 AM- Sunday
I envy their relationship.  They've only known each other for 6 months and they are already inseparable.  They genuinely love being in each other's company.  It's amazing watching a life-long relationship blossom before your very eyes.  They already have something so special and unique that even the relationship that they will have with Treicy and I cannot compare.  If one of them is fussy, all you have to do is place them together and everybody calms down.  They love it.  They smile when they see each other... they hold hands... they pull each other's hair... they spit up on each other.  It's awesome!  I'm sure the future will bring jealousies, rivalries and arguments but the bond is already there.  It's real and it's formidable.  My real problems will come if these two ever team up and attempt some sort of political coup and take over the house.   I know for a fact that I will succumb to their evil plans quickly and become their prisoner and be subjected to all sorts of psychological torture and avocado face masks.  They're both sweet and loving babies and I'm certain that they will be be kind,   respectful children and adults.  But in the remote chance that they're not... I only have one simple request for my girls:  Ladies... I don't care if you want to set the world on fire and be mean to every single person you meet.  Just don't be mean to Daddy.  He's very fragile and these stupid 3AM feedings alone should earn me Switzerland-style neutrality for the rest of my life.

Episode 12- The Witching Hour

Captain's Log- 3:33 AM- Sunday
I have a throbbing pain in my lower back that is making me walk like my 70-year-old grandfather used to after one of his 14-hour shifts as a waiter (true fact).  I mention my late grandfather now because an amazing thing occurred to me the other night during Renata's 9PM feeding.  I don't remember ever seeing my Guelito Polo sleep.  I'm serious.  I have not one single memory of him with his eyes closed.  Not once did the adults have to shush us kids for making too much noise because Abuelo was asleep... Not once did I ever wake up before him or go to bed after him... As a matter of fact, I don't even think that I ever saw him lying down.  What was his secret?  My maternal grandparents had 5 kids, so maybe he stumbled across some sort of magic potion that eliminated the need for sleep in his body.  My Abuela Nico was into herbs and powders as a cures for everything from acne to anal warts so maybe she cooked up a little magic for her old man.  I clearly remember my grandmother taking daily mid-afternoon naps in the living room in a Lazy Boy chair while watching one of her "animal shows"... But not him.  Not once, not ever.
I need me some of that mojo.  The girl's sleeping pattern has changed for the better... but not in the way I was hoping for.  They have begun skipping their 12AM feedings.  They just sleep right through it now.  That means that they are now giving us a 6-hour break every night, which is amazing and great... but that 6-hour stretch goes from 9PM to 3AM... and I guess I really wish that it was from 12AM to 6AM.  I know what you're thinking... beggars can't be choosers.  But I really need to get rid of that 3AM feeding.   The 3AM is the one that gets me every time.  I said it back in episode 1 and it rings just as true today... The 3AM is no joke.  It'll make you or break you.  It is the truth and it'll get you every time.  The girl's pediatrician (also a mother of twins) keeps telling us that we just have to hold on till they reach 9 months.  Apparently that's when everything changes and they start making the switch from babies to toddlers.  And a part of that change includes sleeping through the night.  I don't know if I'll be able to make 3 more months of this but I do know that my grandfather would be laughing at me and my suffering.  Little Nancy Boy can't function because he has to get up at 3AM every morning?  Boo hoo.  I need to get a hold of my Tia Chelo and find out if she knows what was in that magic potion that my grandmother used to make... I will continue my steady diet of Red Bulls until then.

Captain's Log- 3:25 AM- Tuesday
There will be no sleeping tonight for Catalina (or me).  She has a stuffy nose and it keeps her from using a pacifier in her mouth because she can't breathe... but that's the only way she can get to sleep.... making a long story short, we are in the living room watching a "Chopped" marathon on TV.  At least I am.  She is currently dozing on the sofa next to me, but it won't last.  She'll wake up soon and start crying and fussing because she can't breathe through her nose like she wants to. It gives me just enough time to tell you a quick, funny story about Esteban.
We were having dinner the other night and he asked why he didn't have to go to school the next day.
"It's because of a Jewish holiday" I said.
"What's that?" he asked.
"It's when we respect and observe the beliefs of the Jews."
"I love Jews" he said.
I was in shock by what he had just said.  It came out of nowhere.  I was so proud.  How could an 8 year old child be so open and accepting of a faith that he knows so little about.  Esteban went to church many times with his Abuela Angie and he's been to a couple of catholic masses with my family but he's never been to a Jewish service.  For him to say that he loved Jews meant that he was open and accepting of all people.  My heart was bursting with pride.  My head was spinning.  A tear was about roll out of my left eye... And then he said...
"My favorite is apple... but I like grape too."
Juice... he was talking about juice.
Sigh... Daddy needs a nap.

Episode 11- Role Reversal

Captain's Log- Thursday- 3:39 AM

There is a lot of mysticism when it comes to twins.  Some old wive's tales claim that twins can read each other's minds, feel each other's pain and even have the same exact dreams at night.  While we have not seen any indication of special powers from the girls as of yet, we have noticed that one thing that people always say about twins that has turned out to be true. 

They glow in the dark.

But seriously, Every doctor or person with any experience with infant twins has told us the same thing: "At some point the babies will switch roles and the one that has been the leader will now take a back seat to the other one.  And the baby that has been following the leader will now take over as the Alpha."  What?  How is that even possible?  If one baby is ahead of the other, developmentally, how does the one in second place suddenly become able to make a comeback like that?  This isn't a Rocky movie.  And then it happened.  It actually happened.  Catalina, who has been playing second fiddle to her older sister since day 1 has served notice that when it comes to early childhood development... she is not to be trifled with.

The first to turn over on her own... Catalina

The first to begin teething... Catalina

The first to laugh... Catalina

The first to eat soft baby food... Catalina

The first to pick up something with her hand... Catalina

Now don't get me wrong, Renata is doing all of those things also... But Cat did them first.  When we first got them, they were 10 days old and Renata was leading in everything.  She was the first to be born, the first to completely drink 2 ounces of formula, the first to sleep on her belly and the first to figure out that crying loudly rattles daddy to his core and gets you everything you want.  But now she has apparently handed the keys to her younger sister and is letting her drive for a while.  It makes me wonder about the future and all of the milestones that lie ahead.  Will Catalina continue to lead?  Or will Renata charge back and reclaim her throne?  Who will be the first to crawl?  To walk and talk?  Being 100% honest, It really doesn't matter to me because I still can't tell them apart so I don't know who's doing what, first or second.  But they are both advancing by leaps and bounds and we are discovering something new that they can do everyday.  It's a magical time indeed... I'm just waiting to see who will be first one to get a paying job so I can start collecting a little rent around here.

Captain's Log- Saturday- 3:14 AM

My shoulder hurts.  Now, I'm used to my body breaking down for stupid reasons by now, but the reason for this particular ache reminded me of a funny situation going on right now with Esteban that I wanted to share with you.  Two nights ago, Catalina had a bit of a raspy cough so Treicy brought her into bed with us so she could keep a closer eye on her... then Esteban crawled into bed with us too because he had his recurring nightmare again where he's trapped alone inside a video game store at night and all the video game characters come to life and start chasing him.  This is the situation that I am in with Esteban at the moment, and it is something that I must confess to you now.. I love this nightmare.  I think it's fantastic!  It really scares him when it happens but I think it's a great scenario that shows creativity, a strong premise and an endless array of characters with a variety of powers, personalities and abilities.  I mean, just think about it... the possibilities are endless!  I keep trying to convince him that it isn't a nightmare, but rather an amazing epic adventure!  I want to make it into a graphic novel or an animated series.  It would be huge!  It would be amazing!  We would be millionaires!  He didn't buy it and called me "insensitive".  Long story, short, and with the bed full of children, I ended up sleeping in a tiny space about the size of a shoe in a position that would make a circus contortionist envious.  At the end of the day, my body hurts and my will is wavering but I have to look on the bright side... at least I'm not being chased around an empty video game store by PacMan and Donkey Kong.  With the shape I'm in... I get the feeling I would hurt a lot more than my shoulder.  I guess it's what I get for being insensitive.