Averaging only 3 hours of sleep a night for over 5 months has it's advantages. For one, you completely stop caring about your daily appearance. This condition frees up a lot valuable time in the morning that you used to waste doing vanity projects such as grooming, washing up and color-coordinating your wardrobe. Now don't get me wrong... it's not like I was a fashion horse before the twins took over my life. I've always been a denim and baseball cap kind of guy but I, at the very least, always made sure that everything I was wearing was more-or-less clean, relatively wrinkle-free and somewhat color-coordinated. well... I don't concern myself with such mundane minutia anymore. Nowadays, as long as what I'm wearing isn't offensive, illegal or flammable... I'm good to go. But it has led to some awkward situations.
Top 3 Most Regrettable Wardrobe Choices
1) I was power-washing my driveway one Saturday afternoon when I was told that the girls had no formula for their next feeding, which was in 30 minutes. Without thinking, I automatically just dropped what I was doing and got into the car and drove off. Twenty minutes later I was shocked when I caught a glance of myself in a mirror at the grocery store. I was wearing grey swim trunks, an orange aqua shirt and white galoshes.
2) I was at the park with the family one afternoon when I noticed a 10-year-old boy staring at my shirt. When I looked down, I realized that it was covered in about 17 different milk stains from the variety of milky burps and up-chucks that I had endured throughout the day from the girls. I slapped my forehead in disgust and said: "Well, that is the LAST time I take a nap under a cow!". The kid laughed so hard he farted 3 times.
3) I sleepily went to Costco one fateful morning searching for diapers in bulk when I realized I was still wearing a T-shirt that I sleep in that was given to me as a gag gift from Esteban last Father's Day. The T-shirt reads: Bald Guys are Sexy. I thought people were giving me those looks of pity because of how tired I looked... but no. It was a different type of pity.
At the end of the day, I guess it really doesn't matter that I stepped out of the house looking like an idiot a couple of times because when I stop and think about it... This is only the beginning. This is the tip of a very large, humiliating iceberg. These little girls have an entire lifetime ahead of them where I will be making a complete ass out of myself exclusively for their benefit time and time again. That will be my number one job. I'm their Dad.
Meanwhile, back at the feeding... Renata's latest victory in her constant battle of wills against me has, once again, rendered me wide awake in the middle of the night and craving cherry-flavored popsicles. I will take full advantage of this sudden burst of energy to purge all of the extra pics that I didn't use during episodes 1-8 and submit them now randomly for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy!
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| Nat: Can you read my mind? Can you? Twins are supposed to have this strange power. Do you have it? I think I have it. Can you read my mind? Cat: STOP IT!!!!
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