The pain in my inner-ear has migrated south to my spleen where I believe it will live forever as a constant reminder of how freakin' old I am. My body continues to break down in different ways and I feel that my mind is next. I'm showing early signs of serious short-term memory loss which reaps havoc every morning when I'm trying to find everything from my keys to my ass. Last week I was halfway to work before I realized that I had forgotten my phone, my wallet... and was still wearing shorts and flip-flops. I forgot that Esteban was with me last Saturday and almost left him behind at Home Depot. This can't continue like this. Treicy is certain that I will make a comeback once I can put together a couple of nights of decent sleep. But I'm not so sure. What if there is no coming back from this? What if this is my new reality? Exhausted... beaten down... disoriented. What if this is all some sort of a horrible coincidence and the babies have nothing to do with the way my body feels right now? What if this is the beginning of a horrible slide into old manhood that will eventually render me completely helpless and in need of 24 hour home-care? Who's going to do that? Treicy has changed enough diapers to last her a lifetime. What if If they have to put me in a home? Will I like the food? Will I get along with the other elderly tenants? Will they be nice to me... or will they judge me for being so weak-willed that I was beaten into a geriatric state by a pair of 15-pound poop machines? They'll hate me. They'll be jealous of me for being younger than them and for knowing how to use social media correctly. God, I hate the politics in places like that! You try to be nice to people but do they even notice? DO THEY EVEN CARE?!!!!
Wait... I think I fell asleep for a second... what was I talking about?
Captain's Log- 3:11 AM- Wednesday
The girls celebrated their 7 month birthday with a bout of constipation followed by the inevitable volcanic-like eruption of lovely, toxic sludge. I know I complain a lot in this forum... but being 100% honest, these overnight feedings are starting to become a little more manageable. I think my body is starting to get used to the lack of sleep or something because I'm finding myself starting to actually enjoy the process. It is such a unique one-on-one moment that you really can't get anywhere else. They hold your hand while you feed them at night. They're so sleepy and groggy that they just stare at you with faint little smiles on their faces. And then when you burp them they snuggle up against your neck looking for warmth as they drift off to sleep (hopefully). It's such an intimate moment that it's getting harder and harder to put a negative spin on it... no matter how sleepy I am the next day. So the question is... Am I getting better at this... or have they completely broken me psychologically to the point that I am starting to enjoy the pain? I Googled it, it's called The Stockholm Syndrome. It's when the victim falls in love with his captor after being kidnapped and subjected to extended periods of sleep deprivation and brain washing. Look it up... it's really a thing.
Whether it's for real or not, one thing is for sure... these girls are 100% in love with Daddy. The myth about the daddy-daughter bond is true. My friends with little girls all told me about it but I didn't really believe it until now. Now don't get me wrong... they light up every time they see Mommy. They go crazy, actually. They start kicking and flailing their arms wildly and making all kinds of crazy baby noises. But I'm not taking about that. I'm talking about the fact that their eyes are always on me whenever I'm in the room. Treicy will be changing them... and their eyes are on me. Treicy will be feeding them... and their eyes are on me. They watch me at all times of the day and during any and all situations. They don't like it when I hold them facing away from me (like when they sit on my lap)... they prefer to be facing me. They touch my nose, my mouth, play with my chin stubble... all while sporting the biggest, silliest grins on their faces. They react positively to all members of the family... but it's different with Daddy. It's horrible to admit... but I love it. I never expected it and it makes me feel alive. It makes me feel like I'm the prom king... the captain of the football team... the big man on campus... and a whole bunch of other things that I never managed to accomplish in real life. Treicy and Esteban, naturally, have different theories as to why the girls are always staring at me.
The Real Reasons The Babies Stare at Daddy
3.) They've never seen a head without hair before and it mesmerizes them like deer staring at headlights.
2.) They can't believe I'm still standing and are waiting for me to collapse.
1.) They like me only because I always smell of sour patch kids and tacos.
It doesn't matter. The haters can say whatever they want. Because at the end of the day... As far as my girls are concerned... I'm Leonardo DiCaprio in the movie Titanic, baby. I'm the king of the world.
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